Sarcasm just one of the many free services I offer

As a customer service rep, I have to bite my sarcastibitch tongue a LOT in order to keep my job which i really do love.

Here are some of my questions and their answers and then the responses I wish I could give:


Q: Will you be using machinery to dig? (Its a yes or no question people)

A: A small excavator

Is that a midget with a shovel or a small child?



Q: Have you marked the area in white? (again yes or no)

A: Yes, its marked in orange (or green or blue or purple)
Well, orange is not white so so I am going to put no

Same question as above

A: The crew is on site.
Unless the crew on site has marked it in white not red green orange or purple the answer is no dipshit

Q: What day to you plan on digging?

A: I'm in no hurry

So I can put you down for three years from now?

Q: What street touches your street absolutely closest to your house

A: There isn't one

So do you parachute to your house, because you obviously can't drive there without a street connecting to yours





Q: What type of work will you be doing?

A: Excavation

Really? Imagine that! Calling in to a call before you dig center and you are going to be digging? fucking amazing!



Now, like the cable company, there is not a set time that the utilities will be responding to the dig request. Because we notify ALL utilities and they send out their own people to mark, the legal response time is 2 full business days not including the day the call is made. So if you call us today, they have all day tomorrow and all day Monday until 11:59 PM (that is 1 minute before midnight for those who are chronologically challenged). I explain this to all of the first time callers and home owners just the same way I explained it to you all.

Still, before the end of the call, I get asked,

When do you think they will be here?


Due to budget cuts, they have taken away my crystal ball.



Because my tongue is now full of teeth marks and bleeds a lot, I have been able to keep my job career for 9 years