Sunday, June 7, 2009

Full Moons on Moandays can kiss my ass (Long rant warning)

If you wake up feeling stupid on any given day.. PLEASE DO NOT CALL ME! As a customer service rep either myself or my co-workers have talked to EVERY stupid person in the world.

If you do insist on calling me PLEASE listen to the words that come out of my mouth. Answer accordingly.
If I ask you a yes or no question.. answer YES or NO. There is no reason to tell me why the answer is yes or no.
You idiots gave me the biggest headache yesterday.

Do not cut me off or talk over me when I am explaining the shit that you don't understand. If you would just LISTEN you will find out all you need to know.

PLEASE crawl back under whatever rock from which you came and call me only after you have eaten some fish (you know for brain power)

What am I bitching about you ask?

Yesterday was the full moon. It was also Moanday for those of you calendarlly (yes its a word I just made up) challenged or living in a cave.

The combination of the 2 made for a pissy day. All of the stupid people called our call center yesterday. Mostly dumbass homeowners. Now don't get me wrong. I know homeowners don't have the faintest fucking idea why they should have to call before they dig. You would think the fear of blowing themselves up or getting eletromacuted or knocking the whole damn neighborhood off-line would be reason enough to call. But THEY get pissy and agitated when they call us for this FREE yes I said free service. We have specific info that we have to ask regardless of whether you are a clueless homeowner, a dumbfuck contractor that never has this shit together no matter how many times they call, o or a utility owner that is doing their own digging, or if it happens to be a very intelligent dog that needs to bury his bone, SAME FUCKING QUESTIONS EVERYDAY!

I am usually patient with the homeowners, they have never called us, they know not what to expect. But after being barraged with ALL stupid homeowners yesterday, mix all that with the contractors that don't know the difference between their assholes and their elbows, I was ready to go Sunshine on someone's ass (Sunshine is part of the name of the company I work for, living in the Sunshine State and all)

So here is a sampling of the stupidity I had to deal with yesterday morning. (and most other days)

Me: Can I have your area code and phone number please.

Male Caller: What do you need THAT for?

Me: It's info that the utilities require us to ask everyone who calls us.

Male Caller: 55123

Me: I need your area code and phone number please.

Male Caller: That IS my area code.

Me: No, that is your zip code I need your area code and phone number please

Male Caller: OH sorry area code is 239 (then silence)

Me: (silence as I wait for the phone number)

Male Caller: Hello?

Me: I'm here I am waiting on your phone number.

Male Caller: Do you want my phone number?

Me: No I want your cousin Joe's number in NY so I can call him and put a hit out on your stupid ass Yes please

Male Caller: Do you want my cell phone or home number?


Male Caller: 239-555-1212

Me: What is your name please

Male Caller: Jennifer

Me: I'm sorry, your name is Jennifer?

Male Caller: No that's my wife name, that's who owns the phone service. (Don't you people listen to the fucking recordings telling you who we are?)

Me: I need YOUR name please

Male Caller: Bob B-O-B (then Silence)

Me: silence as I wait for his last name (really people, when do you call any business and only give your first name?)

Male Caller: Hello?

Me: I'm here, I am waiting for your last name.

Male caller: Smith that's S-M-I-T-H

(The harder words.. they
leave for me to guess at the spelling)

Then I get other info and get to his address:

Me: Your address please?

Male Caller: 123 Pine St .. that's P I N E

Me: Yes douchebag, I do know how to spell SOME words.

Me: Sigh Thank you ... and what is the intersecting street closest to where you reside?

Caller: Caloosahatchiwatchie St and can you tell them my house has a
red roof, I don't want them to miss it. Please, no paint, only flags. There is a white picket fence in front they can't miss it.

Me: OK.. back up I can spell PINE.. but a need a tad bit of help
spelling Caloosahatchiwatchie

Caller: Oh I'm sorry.. hold on I've lived here 15 years and I still get
it wrong

ME: Putting caller on mute and making a noose of my phone cord (saying to no one in particular "YEAH
but you expect ME to wing it")

I BEG you, give the person on the other end of the
phone the benefit of the doubt. Only spell things if they ask you .
Otherwise, chances are they have words like Smith, Log, and Willow
pretty much figured.

I sound like a bitch? Yeah.. well I'll try being nicer when they start being smarter

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